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Friday, May 1, 2009

SEX!!! Love It..or Not?

SEX! SEX! SEX! Have I gotten your attention yet?

Let’s talk about sex. Yeah, I know, touchy, almost taboo subject. So, go ahead and get the cringing over. I’ll wait. I don’t mind…

*waiting*
…….

……

…..

*still waiting*

….



..

.

Okay, is everyone finished with all the groaning and eye rolling? Good. So, let’s talk S-E-X.

To me, it’s a natural, beautiful act and I personally do not understand why it is such a hush, hush topic. My mother reared me to be open and honest about it, but upon becoming an adult she doesn’t want to talk about it—ever—and would rather pretend it doesn’t exist. She doesn’t want to discuss it in passing, not in jest, and certainly not seriously. This attitude from a woman who embraced the 60’s with gusto? I am seriously flummoxed and have no clue what happened. But her attitude is similar to many attitudes I find here in the South. I love the South, but at times we’re rather prudish.

So, I ponder the question “why?” Is it because we still don’t understand what we’re doing when we have sex? Do we still feel uncomfortable having sex? Is it just another marital chore that I hear so many women talk about? Yes, I still run into a lot of women who openly do not like sex! YIKES!

Well, for me, it’s none of those. And writing sex scenes comes naturally to me. Sex scenes should be more than just the mechanics though. For me, it should be steamy and brazen and hot. I write sex scenes hoping that the reader is feeling it, living it, as much in the moment as if they are the characters. I want them hot and all bothered after reading one of my scenes. If they’re not…well, then I failed miserably.

I’m not one of those folks that skim through or skip the sex scenes in a book. I have no problem with anyone that does that, but I want the sex in a romance. Sex is important in our own lives with our other halves, so to me it’s important in a romance as well. I just don’t want it on every page. There’s got to be storyline, preferably a riveting storyline. ;-)

I’d love to hear your thoughts on sex in books. What do you prefer? When is there too much of it? Do you like it sweetly sensual or hot and spicy like I do?I hope everyone has an awesome weekend. Stay safe.

If you’re an author (published or not published), visit tomorrow for our critique contest giveaway!

12 Moonbeams (comments):

DianeT said...

Hi Gracen! Nice topic.

For me, I like a good storyline that has a well written sex scene or two in it. But the story has to flow, not just BE about the moment the two of them hop into bed.. or wherever.

As an author, I like to keep my readers hungry. Before I let my characters do their thing, I heat it up. I bring it up to the point where they just MIGHT be able to kiss...maybe a bit farther, and interrupt them.

I have this thing about making the reader growl in frustration. But hey, it's all worth it.

With me, I have been told I do an extremely tasteful Menage a toi.

There are some authors who are uncomfortable writing about THAT end of sex... and some write it very... badly. I try and make it something that people dont' go "eww" about.

What is a real turn off for me in a book is a storyline that has sex in just about every other chapter. One or two scenes is fine, but to make them going at it like an Energizer bunny every few pages makes me loose interest.

Another one is people use a storyline as a filler for the sex instead of the story being there with the sex in it. Am I confusing you? If I am, I'm sorry.

I used to write erotic fan fiction for Literotica.com and I've seen my fair share of truly BAD sex stories.

But for me, I like writing things that make even me run for my.. ummm... 'special friend'. It's sort of why I never date, the men can't live up to what my brain conjures up. *evil grin*

Carrie said...

Hi Gracen,

Yes, your mom may have lived through the 60's, but maybe that's the point. By the 80's/90's, she probably realized that she managed to dodge a very, very big bullet.

Not only that, just like many of us don't want to think about our parents in that way, most parents do not want to think about their kids that way. She did her duty and was open about it with you, to make sure you were prepared, but the actualization that you were doing things, is not something she wants to even think about, so it's avoided altogether. Of course, religion may have a lot to do with it as well.....

For me, I want the sex in the story, but only if it makes sense and fits into the story. If there is going to be weird, unusual or kinky stuff going on, I have to be able to believe that the characters would want it and do the things they choose to do and what motivates them to search out those kinds of situations.

Margay said...

I agree, it has to make sense and flow out of what is previously established about the characters and story. I don't want it to feel like you're on a trolley with a bunch of other readers and the author/tour guide says, "And here we have another stop on the let's-throw-in-an-inappropriate-sex-just-to-have-sex-scene tour. Please watch out for arbitrary shedding of clothes, shoes, and foul language. And, as always, keep your hands inside the trolley at all times."

It has to be natural, like you've been following the build up for so long you'll scream in frustration if the characters don't connect soon. I like to wait to get to know the characters before I get into passages about their sex life. As for heat level, I prefer the sweet or highly sensual (especially when writing), but will read more steamy stuff if it's tastefully done. This is why I tend to shy away from erotica - unless it's a compelling storyline - I cringe at certain frank words and they take me out of the scene. I don't know why, but that's just me. Interesting topic, Gracen! Can't wait to read what others think about it.
Margay

Molly Daniels said...

I've been guilty of skipping sex scenes in the erotica books, but only because sometimes they are the same, over and over. So I find myself skipping through the later ones, unless I find a fresh one. Make sense? I don't do it all the time!

I like to inject some humor into my sex scenes, and my editor and I haggled over which comments could stay and which ones 'took him out of the scene'.

I hear you on the mom thing. Mine was instrumental in getting sex ed into the schools, and taught 3rd graders. I grew up in a relaxed home, and shocked my hubby back in '97 when, after my sis's wedding reception, I had my dad unzip my dress so I could change. D was busy changing our doughter's diaper; Mom was busy helping our (now oldest) son in the potty, so it was either wait patiently or enlist Dad!

And this is the same mom who calls me up after reading my books and chastises me over the use of the 'F' word.

When I told her about my upcoming release, I told her, "This is a book where you'll blush profusely, then call me up and blast me for all the bad words. You're not going to be proud of this one."

She said, "I may not be proud of WHAT you write, but I'll ALWAYS be proud of your writing ABILITY."

And this from a woman who let me read Clan of the Cave Bear at age 17...

Carrie said...

Congrats to Diane on Getting the Golden Smooch today!

Margay - You crack me up with your trolley analogy. I love it!

Molly - Congrats on getting the Cookie Kiss, I hope it tastes as yummy as it looks in the picture! Your story cracked me up! Thanks for sharing that with us.

Gracen - I have to agree with Margay here that I feel the frank words can pull me out of the story a bit. I don't have anything against them, but they make a sex scene, just a "sex" scene, not a "love" scene. The frank words seem crude and impersonal, not soft and affectionate. But I don't have a problem calling a "spade" a "spade" as long as the words are well placed and not used during the scenes that are implied as "love" scenes. However, even if two people really do love each other, there are times where the connection isn't about love but more about satisfying lustful urges and here is when I feel some of the frank words can be used, but they still need to be well placed. Does that make sense?

Carrie

Margay said...

Carrie, I think you make an interesting point. I think my issue is that they are sex words and not love words. I like my sex scenes to be meaningful and loving (even if they are just satisfying a lust; they just don't know it's love yet), not crude and jarring.
Margay

Molly Daniels said...

That's my issue too; I know I don't care to hear my body parts called some of the derauggetory(sp?) terms. It kills the mood. But in writing it, in some cases it fits.

Gracen Miller said...

Hi, Diane! *waves* You made perfect sense to me. I don't like filler sex either. As for Literotica...*laughs*...I found that site by accident, can't remember what I search, but boy was I surprised when I pulled it up. And you are right, there are some truly horrific bad sex stories on there. Some will make you shudder.

Gracen Miller said...

Carrie, my mom used to talk with her friends about sex and now suddenly she doesn't even want to "think" the word sex. She's not comfortable with the word at all. It's left me more than a little baffled. I don't understand how one can go from being so open to so closed.

As for her wanting to pretend I don't have sex with my husband, that's cool by me, because I don't want to think about her having sex with my step-dad. *shudders* :D

My mom was a wild child while I was growing up--I jokingly say I helped raise my mom and dad--so for her to do a 360, it's hard to take.

Gracen Miller said...

Molly, your mom and my mom are kindred spirits. LOL She's proud of the fact that I've gotten something published, but that doesn't mean she wants to read it or that she actually approves of the content. LOL *rolls eyes at our mom's*

And I agree with all of you. I don't mind the vulgar use of some terminology, but I don't want to read the same word over and over and over again and it kind of can take me out of the scene at times.

I agree with you all too, that I always hope my sex scenes are showing the love the characters feel for one another.

Thanks for all the comments, ladies! Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!

Gracen Miller said...

Oops...I forgot to say congrats to all cyber kiss and cyber cookie winners!!

filmmurai said...

Hiya there.
Well, I think people is actually afraid to say their true self, they're scared and ashamed of it. Because sex is where humans are one with their essence. The animal part, the pulses drive you there and people who need control in such a thriving way, are scared of their only moment when pulses take over reason-driven thought and basically lose conscious behavior upon their selves.
I'm just a rambling one... lots of love and keep up the good stuff ;).
NF